Saturday, September 10, 2011

Donkey Cellulite

I saw a first today. I saw the scariest cellulite imaginable . . . on a donkey. It actually made me appreciate my own cellulite.

Now I’ve seen some fat donkeys in my day, some that look like they should roll around on their giant bellies rather than walk around on four toothpicks for legs. But the donkey I met today takes the cake.  In fact, maybe we should take the cake back from her. Must have been a super-rich chocolate cheesecake or something. Such dimples! Poor dear.

I decided to read up on the subject of donkey cellulite. My Google search of “why are donkeys so fat?” led me to the discovery that donkeys can sometimes develop a condition called insulin resistance, something I prefer to call “donkey-betes.” The following describes what I witnessed on our girl perfectly: “Globs of fat deposits on the top line of a donkey; developing a fat crest
and pones of blubber on the top of the back, draping over the ribs, and
 those poofy fat butts are all indications the donkey's inherited survival
mode is storing fat preparing for times of famine.” (

According to the author of this article, one treatment option for "donkey-betes" is at least thirty minutes of additional exercise a day. She should also cut back on her carbs. No joke! That’s what is actually recommended. Since there appear to be so many similarities between human fat deposits and donkey fat deposits, might I also suggest some “Hydronxeycut” or Special donKey? And maybe some therapy to boost her self-confidence. On that note, let's hope she never reads this post. Please don't show it to her. Thank you.

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